Scor
12th Nov 1988

Get Married at age 21
Be a Mother at age 22

JOY RIDE;

God Sis. nEshy. SC. liNg linG. ir3ne (riNg riNg). ducKy. EvA. li teng. kaRl. caRen. 1.73m.

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Tuesday, October 17, 2006

10/17/2006 05:28:00 pm

in a while time i got to go and get myself prepare for the imf appreciation dinner. i am in a very messy state now. my heart is in a mess. and my mind is also in a mess. i dunno wat the hell i am thinking. and why the hell i am thinking of all these things. i am just not been me. but who is the real me? have i ever been the real me? do i know who am i? why am i still holding on to it? i tot i am suppose to have let go? i tot i had let go. i tot i know the meaning of friends. i tot i know who really are and who really are not? so wat am i holding on to? i dunno.
ain't i suppose to get use to been a subsitute. they like they call me and ask me out. they dun like just chuck me aside? i tot i am been used to that. and are aware of wat type and kind of ppl they are? they are all so facade. so why the hell am i feeling all these feelings i have now? i have got friend who ask me out weekly too. so y should i bother myself with them? y? y? y? i dunno. seriously i dunno. dunno wat crap i am holding on to anymore.
isn't tats wat my life is? forever be the substitute.
ahh i can't manage to woo her. nvm i can woo scor.
ahh my friend can't go out with me today. nvm just ask scor.
ahh they are not free to have meals with me today. nvm just ask scor.
ahh today she's not free to listen to my problems. nvm just call scor.
ahh i dun wanna be alone. nvm just ask scor to accompany me.
ahh she got herself a new gang. nvm ask scor.

isn't that wats my life is all about. been the substitute...
who really did care about my feelings...
yes they did only when they know i am going to end my life and they gonna lose this easy-to-get substitute forever.