Simply ScorlrocS ylpmiS

~~Friday, June 02, 2006~~

6/02/2006 08:46:00 pm

i am back in my personal space alone... back in my house but my home is in the virtual world. wat can i do. my life is not control by me. i am a sinner. sinner now and for my past life. and i have to pay the price for all the sins i did in my lifetime. i am in this cold house all alone once again. with nothing to lean on. i can only lean on my pillow. i am left alone once again. been dumped. it is all predicted. since the day i was born i have been the unwanted. i should not have expected so much. it is amuzing how much tears one can have. it doesn't seems to run up or dry up. it continues to flow. it has been 25 hours and 18 mins since we broke up. i have let go i tot. give me one week and i will be standing back on my feet again. i have learn my lesson. a sinner will never happiness and should not expect anything. things happen is all my fault. i am a jinx. i cause him to have warning letter. i cause him to get stressed up by desmond and his classmates. i caused him to fall sick. i caused him to failed his tests. i caused him to get in trouble with his parents. i am a jinx. and since he intiated the break up there is nothing i can do but to agree to it. hope his life would be better without me jinxing him. i tot he would be happy with the break up. but he say no. it drive me nuts. wat must i do to make him feel happy? i try my best and i am exhausted. but i have no one to blame i causes all these to happen. i am a jinx. i have always been a outcast. i should not have deen feeling over that life has turn better for me and someone actually love me. i am so dumb so stupid so idiot so retarded. he lied to me and broke his promise and toy with me. i had never really trusted and have faith in love until he and me are together. but once again i am proven wrong. he broke the trust i once had for him. now i can't bring myself to believe any guys again.
he said: "i would never be the one to say break up" and he did.
he said: "i would be there for you" and he didn't.
he said: "i can do it. we can be friends after the break up." and he didn't.
he said: "kk. i will change the blogskin for u." and he didn't
he said: "ok i will write u a testimonial." and he didn't
he siad: " orh i will find out what is the building." and he didn't
he initiated the break up on our one month, to be exact a few more mins to out one month, 1st june 2006, 7.18pm. he was wearing his cya camp polo tee.
he left me alone struggling with the stress while went for break with his classmates.
he delete his blog. he might as well block me on msn, change his phone number, quit cya, change school, quit his john little job. and if he feels all that is too troublesome he can ask me to do so. i would never ever let myself appear in front of him again.
he didn't change the blogskin at all. i waited for two weeks and it is still the old blogskin.
he said to write a testi but the testi never came.
he said to help me find out wat is that building and two other buildings, and he didn't. he said to give me the answer today and i am still waiting for it.
i would never allow myself to get into another relationship. and i wun force myself to forget him. he has already formed a part of my mermory. today i allow myself to cry. after today i have to be back normal. i have to be fine and will be fine and must be fine. to all my friends who are concern about me: no worries for i am who i am. i have always been strong and this time would be no exception. just give me some time.
i can't bring myself to trust any guys anymore. if i really get into a relationship again it would be a girl. look at colin and kero they are still so loving.
think i may not need a week so long to recover. for in the first place we do not behave like a couple. which couple will constantly say sorry to each other. which couple would be so formal to each other and always say thank you.
in which relationship would the girl be thinking of the scenario of break up even before they started to stead.
in which relationship would the girl keep things to herself. tell all her friends wat she think but not to the guy? in the end causing the guy to be stressed up by his classmates and friends.
in which relationship would the girl be always grumbling about the guy.
in which relationship would a girl not be dare or have the courage to say i love u to the guy.
in which relationship would the girl still have to shop alone and spending more than half of her time in home alone or with in class.
in which relationship would the girl constantly be thinking of surprises for the guy and trying to please the guy more than the guy do.
in which relationship would both the girl and guy be so scare of hurting each other that in the end they end up hurting each other more.
i know all these that happen is my fault and i have no one to blame. i brought all this to myself. i caused all these to happen.
he gave me the reason on y the break up. but it sounded too lame and crappy for me to believe.
i think i can now locked the box in my drawer forever. thinking of giving it to u as a present of our one year anniversary. but it has all ended.

When I'm down and all alone
When nothing seems to matter
When I lose my hope
When I'm sad and confused
When it all gets turned around and 'round I can't seem to reach for solid ground
When everything I've believed in seems untrue
All I have to do
Is think of you I think of you and it's gone
Like you chase away the storm
Making it all okay
I think of you
I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you
Now I know what love means
And whatever life may hold for me
Through the fire
Through the rain I believe
Cause there's nothing I can't bear
Knowing that you will be there
If I fall I won't break
Through it all I'll make it through
Cause all I have to do
Is think of you I think of you and it's gone
Like you chase away the storm
Making it all okay
I think of you
I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you
And when I think I'm all alone
I can't see the way to go
Lost in the rain of my own tears
To wash away the pain and fear
I think of you I think of you and it's gone
Like you chase away the storm
Making it all okayI think of you
I think of you and I'm strong
And I know I can go on
It's like you set me free
When life gets the best of me
I just think of you
For the good times and the bad times
I just think of you
Cause you know you get the best of me
I just think of you

give me something to believe in
cos' I don't believe in you anymore