Scor
12th Nov 1988

Get Married at age 21
Be a Mother at age 22

JOY RIDE;

God Sis. nEshy. SC. liNg linG. ir3ne (riNg riNg). ducKy. EvA. li teng. kaRl. caRen. 1.73m.

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Monday, June 05, 2006

6/05/2006 12:19:00 am

time for me to close the chapter and move on le. although there are still a lot of questions in my head and mind swimming around. hoping that one day he would answer all the questions i had. but at least i got the answer to the biggest question mark i had. the one that cause me to be chain or should i say hold me back and cause me hatred? but at least i got that answer. but in my heart there is a big and complicated knot. only he is able to unknot it. but i dun think he will. just like the knot my mother has tied and never untied. causing me to be hurt even years have passed. that knot or wound still hurt when i touch it. i am hoping that this time the knot tie by him wun last so long and he will him me unknot soon. i just need the answers to all my questions to unknot it. without the answer i will be thinking and thinking of all the possible answers i had to my questions and hurting myself more and more.
i know i have really gone crazy le. for i have lost control of my feelings and lost control of how i feel and y i feel. i think i need to see a counsellor soon le. lets just wait and see if it still continues and is persistent. can't stand the idea of me really going crazy. eeyeer. so scary.
would like to say sorry to u for th misunderstanding i had of u. cos sometimes i do feel that u treat ur friends better than me. thus when we break i get the feel that u are just toying around with me. and u have got sick of me le.



life now is tough for me. for i am making my own life tough which i oso dun noe y. self punishment perhaps. to make myself feel better. or in other words i like to self abuse. ha ha. really feel like dying now to run away from my studies. but i can't cos if i die now, ppl sure say i die becos of him or becos of relationship which is bull shit crap.i die becos of studies and becos of friends. and becos of the mess i created in my life. i am too lazy to untagle the mess i cause and therefore i chose the path of death to ends it all. one week bah. one week from now i will be gone. can't take the stress from my study anymore. it is killing me. before i really got killed i might as well kill myself. one week. after my job. and i will kill myself. i had enough of my studies. really had enough...