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Get Married at age 21
12th Nov 1988
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God Sis. nEshy. SC. liNg linG. ir3ne (riNg riNg). ducKy. EvA. li teng. kaRl. caRen. 1.73m.
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i feel so unsafe. ya so unsafe to even blog here. freak out.. but i shall not be harm by u and allow u to hurt my friends.
today learn gala dinner make up. quite bar girl feel. ha ha. anyway was feeling moderate ok today. ha ha.
i wonder how nice would it be if i have someone doing tat to me too...
dots.......... have so so much to say. but dunno how to say. dun feel like saying as well. oh well. its mid autumn today. bought mooncakes for collegus and the isetan staffs. suddenly feel like celebrating . ha ha.
not feeling good. in a foul mood.lost my exlink card.. haiz... sian man.. hate myself for being so blur. i am constantly losing my things. haiz... tml hving an assingment again. a bit scare. i am havign doubts about my ability. i am not having confidence of myself. i dunno if i am able to do it or not. i dunno... i feel so lost and inferior. i just wanna play and have fun and slp for all i want. dunno wanna think about it. but i cna;t help it. the day is drawing near. and i haven;t found my model yet. haiz.. i am having doubt. can i really do tat kind of look? can i? can me do it? will i really be able to do it. it all looks so, chim.. am i really a professional? i dunno. i am starting to have doubts with myself. i needed some enncouragement and words of comfort. but i dun wanna self deceive myself too. can i really do it???
wahaha hahahaha. it has been so long......
kk i just reach home. ya. just reach home. went out with my colleagues. recenty got a few happenings. carmen is no longer my as! haiz!!!! she is such a nice nice person. oh well all good things have to come to an end. so went k box with them. to sort of farewell for her and also to celebrate mojo jojo birthday at the same time.have fun. but i do noe that my heart wasn't there. i was having depression. ya. dunno y too.over stress? but can't possibly be. having my 1 week break from drm leh. i oso dunno. just not feeling very myself. yes i did went crazy and stuffs. but i noe inside myself wat i am feeling.
its another high high into the sky blog. ha ha. so happy!! ha ha. but then i read this
its the exam week. and i have another oral thingy tml. haiz.. really dun feel like studying for it at all. i have som much more better things to do lor.haiz.. but i still have to go and study.. haiz...
think recently i am overworked liao. so much to the extend that i am unaware of wat i am doing or saying. temper getting shorter. almost quarrel with that idiot. duno wats wrong. now whole brain going in swirl. dunno wat i wanna write too. haiz.. back to my zombie kind of life..
as per normal i am running away from my problems once again. running away. hiding away. no guts to face my problem. dunno wat i am doing. dunno. only know tat i want to see u online. wanna see u online only. i dunno y. just wanna see u online. but dun wanna dun dare to talk to u. dunno wat to talk to u. u are busy. very busy. u have a bright future. a bright prospect. hardworking. serious in ur school. not like me. not like me. someone who always run away from problems. a coward. constantly wasting my time. chosing the wrong things. doing the wrong things. facing the same stress.
sort of just finish my ppt for today presentation liao.. just clear up the stuffs. haiz..
its NATIONAL DAY TODAY!!! HA HA!!
being going through a rough patch theses few days. too me so long to actually stand up again. the pressure is actually tat huge. feeling a lot better le.
i just feel like falling into a deep deep sleep and dun ever wanna wake up again...
i am freaking tire and worn out!!! isetan having promotions. as per normal is uber busy. was like uber busy the whole day. drain out my energy. still have to rush out projects later. haiz.. tats the life i have chose so who the hell am i to complain about it....
haiz.. the feeling is still lingering. if u have read the previous blog i poster earlier u would have know wat i am feeling.
ha ha. today is another roller coaster day. isn't it? morning can't wake up. late for class. but i was quite late for class is becos i waited close to half an hour for the bus. went for the hairstyling class. learn a new knot thing. hee hee. seems a bit easier.
its jasmine wedding yesterday!!ha ha. finally the big day has come. went over to her house for a stay over on sat. have fun. ha ha.
just got back. work work and work. i ask for it de lor. spent too much liao. having cash flow problem. no choice but to work. today was at bar 2. SCARY!! uber busy. the moment i step into the counter i am settling bills all the way till i knock off. busy counter sia. and i think i have done something wrong again! haiz.. but ok la.at least everything still seems quite ok overall bah. very tire. but hair still wet. gonna immerse myself into the virtual world till my hair are dry.
just got home. went st james the boiler room and also dragonfly. its fericia birthday on the 15th so he invited us to go for her party tonight. didn;t really have tat much fun. cos didn;t really have a feel of sense of belonging. didn't drink at all. only drink mocktail and have some food. tats all. dance a bit bah. after all tat place ain't zouk. so i really dun feel safe.
wahahaha. sis is back in town! ha ha. went to look for her today once my lesson ends. ha ha so nice. lesson ends early today. so i get to spent more time with her. ha ha. finally i get to went into that shop and eat. ok la. not tat ex la. belongs to the average range. after all i order the student meal. ha ha.
i am just not me. talking gibberish. nose block. brain block. as usual there's a blue black on my head. quite painful but used to it le.
went to visit siti in hospital today. had a nice long chat with her. feeling a bit better. actually was a lot better when i was with her. but now tat i am back oh well...
ha ha. today went to club armani to look for j. lol. ha ha. first timein my life going to tat kind ofplace. its quite sleasy.... ha a. but i didn't have much to worry about cos j is there to protect me. lol. haha. tat place a lot of uncles. ha ha. so used to zouk and the comfort zone. so went there it was like dots..... so many chinese ladies there.
dunno if i am falling sick soon or not. been sneezing today. ya ya. been emo. i know iknow. too emo is not good for me. but can't help it. been doing lots of weird things and thinking lots of weird things as well.
just got back from partying. drink like dunno wat today.drink a lot. today isthe first time in life i drink so so much. but i am not tat drunk. if not i wouldn't be abel to blog. now i know y ppl chose to drink to drown their sorrow. cos when u are real high u really don't think so much. although i was very high today i still noe wat i am doing. aware of wat i am going through and wat i am encountering. yes. i can't walk tat straight. was swaying left and right. having headache and giddiness. but i am still fine and ok. i decided to let myself go and take a break and i did. didn't wanna be such a goody goody girl anymore today and i did. threw away the burdens of mine a nice mummy girl today. dressing wasn't so much of the usual conservative me. behaviour wasn't so much like me. just drink when i feel like. i feel safe. yes i did. although it was crowded today. and yes. there was times when i felt unsafe. but i did manage to make myself be alert and as clear headed as possible. i am still who i am. still have that tiny bit of self discipline in me. did stop drinking when i really can't try to keep myself clear headed by asking for ice water lemons lime. anything tat can keep me relatively clear. kk. i didn't really stop drinking when i am suppose to. ha ha. its my friends who stop me from continuing to drink. ha ha. and i do know the consequence i need to face tml. but who cares. i really did enjoy myself today. i really did let myself go and not have and burden or pressure on my shoulder today. i let myself become who i wanna become today. i enjoy myself. i live a life call life today. i was a teenager for today! :)
waiting for someone to come online can be a tiring thing..
lacking of slp causes me to talk gibberish. felt a bit lost. ha ha.
ha ha. so i only slept for 2 hours plus? lol and that got me very high today. lol. the lecturer even tot i was drunk. lol. didn't know wat i have done to give her tat impression. a bit tire. still can't slp cos hair is wet and i am extremely full!! ha ha. went to have supper with my classmates. i mean my drm classmates. went to newton for supper. only 9 of us went. but we really have fun. ha ha. now very full. lol.
and so my body has finally give way. got headache since yesterday till today. can't take it liao.so no choice. came back home. was suppose to work at 530. but i really cannot make it le la. so no choice but to excuse myself from work and come home. tml having exams again. sian ah.. haven't study yet. but will study later. now i am gonna go slp liao. zzz...
so i have give. can't really study much. no heart at all. ha ha. thinking about too much things. but anyway uncle called me just now ma. as per normal. so at least i did go through a bit lor. ha ha. sometimes dunno if i am teaching the uncle or the uncle is teaching me. ha ha. back to my la la land. or tml peter angel gonna suan me liao. ha ha. the fun fun peter!
i am so uber stress out!!!!!!! if only i could cry it out and release all the pressure inside me. it so suffocating!! ah!!!!!!!! so much things to do!!!!!!! but i am a human. just a human. adn a woman at tat. y is it tat suddenly everything seems to be push to me to finish it? y? i am so so so stress up!!!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so pissed off. y can't they be more understanding. y does it always got to be like this? y? y? Y?
yesterday we did our first hands on lesson. very fun. ha ha. had lots of fun. was doing the shaping of nose. lol. super funny lor. ha ha. in the end i got a black triangle nose. lol. but lucky can be remove. if not i will go to work with a black triangle nose. ha ha.
so i have attended my graduation ceremony on the 29th. so i am now officially graduated from poly le.
so feaking tire. so much things to do but i have got so little time. been working here and there. then i need to juggle with my studies as well. somemore need to entertain friends as well. dots.. really dun have tat much time left for me to do wat i wanna do. so it will eat into my slping time.. dots... been a part time student is even more difficult to cope than a full time student....
i am so so so busy!!haiz... no more time to slack liao. sian ah!!i think i am holding btw 2 jobs to 3jobs. not sure if i can really cope or not. my studies are having more projects pouring in. ah.. so many projects to do. so sian... dots... but i like wat i am doing now. cos its the path i chose. u lay on the bed tat u made urself.
ha ha. so i wake up early in the morning just to go for a run. ha ha. but in the end it became a jog then it became a walk. ha ha. manage to run for a extreme short while then jog for another short while then become brisk walk to normal walking. ha ha. its not bad le lor. ha ha. consider the fact that i haven't exercise since i left secondary schools. which is 3 years ago? ha ha. so i haven't sweat due to exercise for 3 years plus le. ha ha. wanted to make a change in my life. thus went jogging today. gonna enjoy my hard to come 2 weeks break. will resume my work in zouk from april. not gonna be a part timer. gonna be a casual labour. ha ha. i need a bit more freedom. ha ha. went back to zouk on friday. miss them lots. ha ha. but they are a bit busy. cos got events ma. saw the ah sa from twins twice. wah she go toilet oso need bodyguard.... ha ha. really superstar sia. ha ha. today's my off day. and i got it all plan out le. ha ha.wed i got another off day. still in the process of planning. dunno wanna go donate blood or not leh. cos my hb level dunno hit le ma. ha ha.
so yesterday was my last day. and my effort to leave silently failed. some of the prs knows about it. cos someone told them about it. but well nvm. not a lot of them know after all. think around 5 person only. ha ha.and so i left. but i will be back. i promise. but when i dunno. i am currenly thinking of taking up a makeup course. i dunno la. i am so so so emo now. my mind is in a whirlpool. cos i dunno wat i want. look around me everyone seems to know wat they are doing adn wat they wnat. but i dunno leh. i just seem so lost adn confused. i am just so lost la. always not knowing wat i want. ahhh!!
kk so i went to zouk today. ha ha.ask song ge, cocaine and tian mei out. hee hee. super packed. so go wine bar have drinks. ha ha. have fun lor. think the bartender gonna be qi shi by me liao. ha ha.
at the start of this chinese new year i have been quite busy. ha ha. been working. then juggle a bit of ydc then also went house visiting. ha ha.
a new year ahead. and a new emo me. ha ha. i dunno y i am feeling emo now...
today not feeling tat well. slpt the whole day. was dead to the world. i am too tire le. and i have hit my limit le. basically someone push me to my limit too. haiz..
he got me all so lost again. dots....
so i am sick today... dots.. but ok la got to go back early. someone sent me home. thanks ah. but i am still not feeling well. ha ha. things haven't been going well in my life. ha ha.
i am having a headache now. not feeling tat well. but still ok. i am feeling more at peace le. after all the rollercoaster ride events these few days. can't remember wat test i have next week and the timing of the test.
hmmm... my criteria of mr right.
this is so so so not me. ha ha. i am actually waiting him to come online when i know he won't ha ha. i know he's working now and wun be able to come online. but then i am still waiting him to come online. ha ha.
i have been so so busy with my life tat i have break my record. ha ha. i didn't slp from thursday to friday. got around 4 hours of nap. then was busy with my project again. then went to work then sat went school wwent meeting then went work. got home nap then go work. gosh. i miss my slp so much. today just simply can't wake up at all. finally have an off day. its such a hard to come off day for me and my dear dear.
i am so fucking pissed off!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!!!!!!
can somebody save me? i am dying. i am so stress up. i have driven myself up to the wall. i am dying. i have so so much things to settle. but i have so so little time. i am so damn useless. i look down on myself. i despise myself. such small things i also can't handle. i really feel like cutting myself. i just wanna punnish myself. i just wanna cut myself. but i know i can't. but i really wanna cut myself. i really want to... some body save me please. i need u in my life. i need u.....
k. so i kanna warning letter liao. so i can't skip anymore lesson le. and to prevent tat from happening i gave up my slp. didn't slp. was home at 410 plus. took some time to remove make up, shower etc. by the time i am done its 5 le and my hair is ultra wet. so might as well dun slp. so do some stuff to keep myself awake. but really too tire so took a nap. and someone gave me a wake up call. LOL. so surprise to receive the wake up call. but i do feel happy though. ha ha. at least i got the feeling tat someone dotes on me. ha ha. so here i am in the lesson. but can't concentrate. feel so much like slping. sian..
weeeee!!!!!!!! yesterdya was fun!!!! wahahaha. although got quite a few idiot customers its fun overall. ha ha. must concentrate on the good things rather than the bad things. time passes damn fast. and i was damn busy. so many ppl sia. ha ha. but then zouk out and zouk like no diff leh. cos i'm too busy liao. can't see wat zouk out really was. ha ha. so its just like working in zouk but in the zip format. ha ha. cos time really passes by too fast liao. working with julia. so at least got someone to talk to when the pace got slower. but then really got too much stuff to do. so not much time to talk anyway. i got to do relieve too. at least i finallt feel tat i am not so useless. cos yesterday needed more of ticketing experience rather than bar experience. the dinner was the bet liao. chicken chop curry rice. ha ha. then supper i ate cup noodles. think i wait until 5 plus before i eat. then i didn't short any money too. ha ha. tats good. hee hee. hold my bladder until 1 am plus sia. tsk tsk. tats bad lor. but didn't know i can hold it for tat long anyway. ha ha. think too busy to think tat i wanna go toilet. and its too busy liao. no relief. so can't go toilet too. ha ha.
i am utterly digusted by all the things tat have been happening to me. too much things are happening. though i never blog it. dun wanna remember wat i am going through now.
hm.. dunno wat to type. mind is malfunctioning. dun wanna remember wats happening for the past few days.
wahaha. in another few hours time i will be 19 years old liao. so let me now do a recap on wat i've done for the past one year for my age 18. ha ha.
kk so tats all i manage to think of for now. ha ha. can't recall much liao. hee hee. wait till i recall more things i 'll place it in again. ha ha.
wahooo!!!!! ha ha. i am almost drunk sia. ha ha. got so damn high for the first time in my life thru alcohol. ha ha. can't really walk straight. a bit swaying. can't stand tat properly. feel my hands go weak. got almost no strength at all. haha. then my face feel hot. my bodyfeel hot initially then feel cold. ha ha. feel like laughing constantly. the whole of my body went red. yes the whole of my body not just my face. think my neck and my back are the reddest of all. haha. got to lean on a wall when i brush my teeth. ha ha. even when i'm laying on the bed i can feel my world is spinning. ha ha. not a very nice feeling but not tat bad of a feeling when i think back. ha ha. YES!! i finally manage to drink till i feel high and almost drunk. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
today went to hawker center and shop. bought a handphone battery and also the leggings. so more or less wat i need has been bought le. saw a dress quite nice. but i didn't try on. maybe next week or wat then go see see again. since the hawker center has reopen i haven't went up there since. first time went up. change a lot. got a few nice shop tat can shop. sell youngster fashion clothes. not bad. ha ha. the price quite ok too. saw a shop tat got sell the lame i am not a plastic bag bag. didn't see the price. but i think should be quite cheap.
i am so so into this song right now. ha ha. love this song! it suits the situation. ha ha.
| http://www.myheritage.com/collage |
I am having fun with this man. ha ha.
dots lor.. wake up so early just for this lesson.. lucky i skipped it last week. the tutor is so oh my god. can't really stand the way she talk. so de dots.... its too slang for me. hurting my ears. dunno she went which country for overseas studies. tats y got tat slang. haiz.. didn't have a nice impression of her. can say tat she should be quite concern for students. cos she did ask me y i didn't attend last week class. but then tat may also be because tat she wanted to strike a conversation with me or just wanna fill in the blanks. cos there aren't much students in the class earlier.
hmmm.... i dunno wat to blog le. just noe yesterday i am extremely emo and these few days i am emotionally unstable. so does not much things tat i wanna record down bah. hmmm... having fun at work. ha ha. tats all bah?
wahahahaha. i finally got an off day. ha ha. a day tat belongs to me myself and no one else. ha ha. slept until 7pm wake up becos someone call my house. but i could have selpt all the way till tml. if i didn't remember i got a tv program at 7pm. so just wake and watch the drama lor. think i'm gonna slp soon liao once i stop feeling so full. ha ha. need to replenish moy eneergy after working non stop for the past 2 days. ha ha.
just got back home from work. was working at suntec for these 2 days. yesterday damn tire. cos they changing the visual. the whole shop was in a mess. cos changing the display for the whole shop. shift the racks here and there. move the clothes here and there. unfold the clothes fold the clothes. steam the clothes and then still need to serve customer somemore. dots lor.. so tire. so in the end i bully one of my colleagues. wahahaha. feel so bad la. but he's a nice guy la. ha ha. he did most of the work. ha ha. so ps. push all the work to him to do. cos i really damn tire le la. by the end of the night i can't take it liao.
yesterday was my first day of work. quite stressful. afterall i am handling with money and the queue can be quite long too. and on my first day of work i met bing han, kelvin and their gang. ha ha. they all seem so shocked to see me there. LOL. and the bing han seems to wear the same clothes whenever he went there. lol.
just got back from work. feeling hungry and my feet are sore.
wahahaha. i finally get to shop after such a long time. feel so good. ha ha. bought myself a pair of shoes from DMK and some misch stuffs. got a bag from Charles and Keith as a present for her. still have around 2 more presents to get. still thinking about wat to get.
i am a failure. one big failure..........
后来-刘若英
kk i know i have an ea paper. but i am really not in the mood to study! ah!!! just can't concentrate.its god sis bdae today and i am not finish with her present. dots... will continue with her present in the next couple of days. explain to her le. so i dun think she will mind. hee hee.
kk its been a long time since i last update my blog. but acually i have been updating it daily. but in my mind. ha ha. cos i dun wanna corrupt the whole of my blog with vugalur. there will be a lot of f words if i were to update my blog daily. ha ha. too much things happen liao. and i just got so f-ing piss off by everything. so just dun feel like blogging anything. and been tooo too busy le. juggling with too many things. really can kill me sia.
i am feeling so lost these few days. dead damn tire. but am i really lost or was i too clear of wats happening tat got me lost. for i couldn't believe wats happening now is really happening?
kk. i just got back home. went to watch harry potter. the movie was a disappointment. or maybe i expected too much and it doesn't meet my expectation. its is so diff from the story la. for goodness sake. so many parts have been cut aways. dots la. if they can;t squeezed the story in to 136mins then let it be a 3hours movie then. so many parts has been cut off. dots lor. real disappointment. not much nice scences oso. maybe the last few scence the fighting scene can make it. tats all. the rest of the movie seriously cannot make it. the movie is lousy. an insult to the story. seriously reading the storybook is so much better than watching the movie.
Labels: kk
现在的我有点累，但还不能睡。因为头发还湿湿的。刚才去了表科尼所以刚到家不久。哪个地方还好啦。不过还蛮奇怪的。没有甩子也没有扑克牌。电视银幕播放着运动节目。然后服务态度也不是很好。
ha ha. today i went for another graduation ceremony. lol. among all the graduation ceremonyi've been to this is the most informal, shortest time taken and fun le. ha ha. may have graduated le. but this just marks the start of everything. ha ha.
阿！！ 好烦啊！到现在我都还没有开始读书！！！ 真糟糕！
ok. after today i have close another chapter in my life. ha ha. time for me to move on le. ha ha.
ahh!! i just saw on web that nec got this hello kitty notebook! damn nice la!!! really wanna buy it sia. haizz.. but me so poor liao no money to buy it sia. haiz.. its ulta nice sia.. but think even if i've the money i also dunno how to buy it. ha ha. the web site to buy the notebook is all in jap. ha ha. can't read jap. hee hee. so even if i got the money i also dunno how to go about buying it online. ha ha. oh well. i have no fate with hello kitty bah. ha ha.
kk so i went to club at zouk on wed. had around 2 hours of slp? having a headache now. gonna go slp once my hair dry. yesterday for the first time i tot i am in mos sia. but ok la. after tat everything turns out quite ok la. the guys are quite gentleman so its oughly ok bah. ha ha. but reallly cannot stand the fact of squezzing into the crowd aimlessly sia. i hate to be in the crowd with no personal space at all. its damn itrritating. yesterday saw the superstar guy. not bad looking. think his slightly drunk bah at the end of it. cos when i was on the cab when i saw he and his friends walked out. and his pattern looks a bit like drunk. didn't see him dance lor. wat a waste. only saw he and his friend drinking at the table. but anyway the table is so faraway from the dance floor. dun think he can squezze in and dance lor. ha ha. then yesterday someone bought us drink. didn't like the idea at all. thus i refuse to drink anything at all. they doesn;t seem tat nice too. told them so many times i dun wanna drink liao still wanna force me too. lucky they stop before i flare up. but i doubt i will flare up after all k and e are there. must give them face ma.
kk. so these few days i finally comes to term with the fact of how naive or dumb i am. i get influence by others ultra easily. ha ha. i can't hold my own view of someone for long. i get influence too easily le. and i dunno y. its a tough for me to change though. haiz.. thus this always gets me into trouble. haiz... if u want me to like someone just say some good things about tat person in front of me and my mind has been brainwashed liao. or vice versa. u wants me to hate tat person just badmouth tat person in front of me. and tat person image in me is gone case liao. dunno y i am getting more and more easy to be influence liao. haiz....
here i am in school. finally get to surf the net on my notebook. i am suppose to be studying. ha ha. but then as pernormal. ha ha. i wun be studying. ha ha.
i simply love zouk man. ha ha. went on the eve of vesak day. damn packed. ha ha. but its fun!!! ha ha. love there sia. the music is just simply my kind of music. ha ha. somemore its mambo jumbo ha ha. simply love it. ha ha. was kinda of these few days. mood was like on a roller coaster. was suffering from mood swing as per normal. haha. been out of job for quite some time so went back to tat job again. anyway my working status is very complicated. think u can consider me as having 2 jobs and also having not a single job. ha ha.
so here i am sitting in my bro's room updating my blog. just got back home from the clinic. went to club at clinic today. clinic is ultra small. didn't find it fun. so got home early.
wahahaha. today i'm feeling so happy!! ha ha.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I finally get to visit zouk yesterday. wahahahahha. so happy. hee hee. saw a few familiar faces. hee hee. had a chat with them. quite nice ppl. ha ha. zouk is so nice. ha ha. far far far much better than mos. i seriously dislike mos lor. but still prefer dxo. ha ha. cos dxo songs are songs tat i heard of one. hee hee. maybe zouk songs too updated. so i didn't hear before. hee hee.
好忙啊！！！忙得我快要疯掉了！！一天只有24小时是不够的！我又不会分身术，大大小小的事都在同一天，同一个时段发生好烦啊！！！！！！不知道我是怎么搞得。为了买一台laptop把自己搞得那么狼狈。我看laptop还没买到我已经向阿妈报道了吧。哈哈。就为了存钱买laptop, 这几天我的算盘打得超响的。不止这样，我还拼了老命的工作。真的好累好累。还有一堆山的project还没做。我就快要疯了！！ 啊！！！！！！！！！！
kk. today is the world red cross day. really not sure today wanna go st james and club or not. haiz.. most probablywill be working. haiz.. not say work is not nice la. just tat u know. no matter how auntie i am there are still tat tiny weeny bit of teenage blood flowing in me. i still wanna have fun. ha ha. well well. since i agree to work today so just go and work bah. helps to save money at the same time. hee hee. being very careful with my spending for the week. trying to save up money for a laptop asap. hee hee.
ok lor. life has been very busy. but i am having fun too. ha ha.
Yipeee!!!!
yipee!! today i have successfully donated my blood. ha ha. the nurses over there are all so kind and friendly. they treat me very nice. haha.
haha. long time since i get to blog. has too much update le. espcially the clubbing thing on last last friday. haha. i just remember the last day of attachment. hee hee. a bit too late le. so dun feel like blogging about that. ha ha. well well. so yesterday i went for job hunting.
一直以来我都一直在逃避。不断的逃避着我所面对的问题。一直到问题变得越来越大时，我就会想用死来解决一切的一切。很没出息吧。这就是我。哈哈。
well, yesterday went idol chasing. the day before went for the workshop thingy. the day before the day went for picnic. dead damn tire. can u imagine i fall asleep while watching tv at 9plus!! not the 1 am or 2 am tv programme. but a 9pm show!! tats how tire i am. the first fell asleep when watching 9 pm show. not tat i am having fever or wat lor. i feel so tire!!
kk. it has been a very long long long long time since i last blog using my house com. haha. this weekend is damn pack. haha. shall make time next week to go for blood donation. hee hee. hopefully i won't kanna reject again. hee hee. today really enjoy myself. haha. although my shoulders are still aching. but i am still happy. haha. very happy. am i extremely happy becos i wanted to cover the hurt i have suffer or the disappointment? maybe i shouldn't be feeling disappointment. cause afterall i expected it anyway. maybe can't really accept that it really turn out the way i tot to be bah. haha. well well. shouldn't care so much bah. just enjoy my hectic weekend can le bah. haha. i wanna buy shoes!! wat i am lacking in is shoes. but dunno wat got into me. i keep buying bags. haha. bought 3 bags in 2 weeks time? haha. now i have too much bags liao. the wardrode can't stuff everything in. haha. think when school reopen i can bring a different bag everyday for one week? or plus plus? haha. but me lazy la. wun keep changing bags bah. haha. looking forward to tomorrow? a bit bah. but the lunch bah me still very the sian sia. haha.
Its your birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
so here i am typing my blog while happily eating my cup noodles and also anwsering phone calls. doing three things at one go can be confusing. haha. nvm. i've just hang up the phone. so now doing 2 things at the same time. ha ha. so the picnic is set. this coming friday at the botanical garden. haha.
omg. haha. to think that i like someone who smokes. haha. so not me. haha. no need to guess, none of you who reads my blog knows him. haha. he is definitely not sl. haha. think i have work under female working environment for too long liao. haha. so become ultra despo. to think that i like the guy who smokes. not only that. the guy has moustache or should i say beard too. haha. so off. haha. really not the kind of guys who i will like. hee hee.
i am still alive and kicking. and is kicking with heels. haha.
there is a serious earthquake earlier. and all of us have to evacuate the building. its the second time i am experiencing it. but it is much more serious compare to the first one.
its another day...
ok la. today was ok. nothing much to say.
today work was wonderful. i almost finished all the telemarketing. left with less than 5 persons to call. and can only call them at certain timing. thus i get to do other stuffs. and it was fun. i get to use the type writer and type some stuffs. it was great. i like wat i am doing right now. typing using typewriter.
so here i am in the office. did something out of ordinary. i make myself a cup of cappucino to drink. haha. something in me is just not right and i am aware of it. to think tat i would drink coffee. ha ha. but i seriously can't drink coffee. i am having a headache liao. haiz................
so once again i am alone in the office. its lunchtime now. i dun feel like going out. yesterday i skipped my lunch too. had a bit of chips later in evening before having my dinner at 7. but then think i too long never starve myself le.so body a bit not use to it. i had weak limbs. could hardly stand straight or still. so today bought a few piece of bread to eat. ate 1 and 3/4 for breakfast when i reach the office. and the remaing as my lunch. now make myself a cup of milo. hopefully it can last me all the way till me dinner. now i gonna take my nap. hee hee. feeling extreme tire. well wat to do. its an office job, and i have to telemarketing which is the worse. can somebody kill me.
ahh!! i am feeling so hungry!! i can feel needles inside my stomach. been drinking milo since morning. but dosen't seems to be of much help. its my lunch time now. but i am staying in the office. not going for my lunch. self abusing myself. for wat i dun noe. just feel like torturing myself today tats all.
war is over.
today is the official start day of war. haha. had my first paper today. its ok la. dun think will fail. so ya. will pass. maybe a c. praying hard for a b. thursday would be ta1. haiz.. another module that cause me headache.
这几天经常下雨。就有如我的心情。这段日子我一只勉强自己做些我不想做，不喜欢做的事。我累了。 真的累了。非常厌倦我现在的生活。围绕在我身边的人也都变了。是他们变了还是因为我变了？好烦啊！！！
i just reach home and have a shower. went to dxo and club. tonight was the first time i club until it close shop. hee hee. well today was an eye opener. saw a lot of things. some funny some was a shock to me. but it does shows me the "danger" of clubbing and how guys are like.
ok so here i am in t2255 trying to finish up my gems project and planning for the movie thingy later. so here goes my plan for today. finish the project asap. get out of the school. make my way to town and watch death note 2. so tats my plan. watching movie alone after doing the project. weird isn't it. watching movie alone. i used to tot i would not have to watch death note 2 alone. that "friend" of mine would watch with me since we have watch death note together. but things change. not tat surprise by the change. for this is my life. god like to make fun of me. ha ha. god likes me to do things alone be alone. ha ha. learn to accept it and find pleasure in it.
我即将展开我人生的新旅程。既然已经清楚自己要的是什么，做些什么才能够让自己快乐那就放手一博。勇敢地去做吧！
我又迷失了方向。应该算是正常的吧？我不清楚。好不容易宁静的心又被拨动了。我现在就像是迷失了方向的一艘船。不知情归何处。深奥吧？哈哈。连我自己都不知自己这么了更何况是你们。哈哈。我又疯了。
the followoing is currently now my fav song. and ganesh if possible can help me change to be my blog song? thanks!
Love Me Again - kelly poon
time flies by. its been one year le. and a very eventful year. ha ha.
hmmm. good morning! surprise surprise. its the 18th and i wake up so early in the morning. ha ha. yup yup. today marks the start of the term break. in other words the holidays. ha ha. but not a very nice one though. ha ha.
hee hee. yesterday did something on impulse but not really on impluse. something planned but not really planned. hee hee. i went to donate blood!. wahaha. at long last. finally i've donate blood. hee hee. its is fun. hee hee. k la. i know donate blood is a serious thing and should not be fun bah. but i sadist ma. so i saw my blood flow out. hee hee. so fun. hee hee. so happy. i am so proud of myself to be a blood donor. ha ha. now when i am on the street when i saw someone. the first thing that strike my mind was. have he/she ever donated blood? ha ha
therotically speaking today is the last day of school and it will be the three weeks term break le. hee hee. but i still feel like tml will be it. hee hee.
a week has pass since i last updated my blog. was busy. with wat i dunno. just feel all so sinful. been taking cab quite frequently recently. i am so damn broke. spending has been high these few days.
just some random thought. ppl like to wear black. u see those ceremony, those artistes wear black. black is known to be a safe colour. everybody wear black clothings and love to wear it. but have u ever seriously tot about it? ppl are contradicting too. they love to wear black. they seem to love the colour black. but they never want their hair to stay black forever. weird isn't it. some even hate their skin to be black. but they love to wear black clothes. human are weird. or maybe i am just the only weird one thus i find the whole world is weird? i am the misfit. i am the odd ball. the odd one out.
kk. today finally manage to get my lazy bum off the bed and come for the 8am lesson. reason being i had skipped too many lessons f this module and i can't skip anymore le. hee hee.
now in the midst of the lesson of fmkt. feeling super sucky now. i lost my DOLPHIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can u imagine i actually lost it!! i am feeling damn sad la. lost another support. wonder how many support i am going to lost this month. now my handphone looks so weird without it. sob sob. had the tot to hang the chain. but the chain is not my name. will looks off if i hang it. haiz.
同恩-<<本来>>
i am alone in the library using com. its break time now. i chose to be alone. needed sometime to heal myself. needed sometime to be alone. to prevent myself from been hurt.
i am doing somehting stupid. i skipped school the whole day today. ya. i skipped blaw lecture. i know i am been stupid. but i really needed some precious peace and some time belong to me myself. really need it desparately. going crazy soon bah. think and think. i just can't stop thinking and guessing. its driving me nuts. sorry. i know i did say i will not think about it anymore and just move on in life. yes i know i am been stupid. here i am thinking and thinking, guessing and guessing, making my life so miserable. while my "friend" may be enjoying life. i know i am been stupid. but i just can't it. just give me some time. i just need some time. and of course a new motivation in life. someone or something that is able to add colours to my life again. and i will heal completely. just give me some time. have faith in me k. i know i am able to do it. i know i am able to walk out f it and stop thinking about it. but i just needed time. time is wat i needed most. i will be fine soon.
yesterday had a long talk with nellie on the phone. should be quite long bah. didn't really take note of the timing.
i am suffering from a serious headach from the lack of sleep and thinking. things ain't getting any better. its getting worse. i am getting more and more weak. can someone just save me from all the suffering? ah ma where are u?
just wat has happne?!! can somebody tell me. anyone please tell me! i can't take it anymore le. dun wanna cry over it. if this thing drags any more i am afraid i would break down. i really would break down. i can't take it i really can't. just wat is happening. its beeen days and there has been no news at all. did something really happen to u? dun scareme please! i am breaking down soon if there is still no news. please dun do this to me. god please dun do this to me. i can't take it. i really have no strength to take such a blow. please god please!
slacky day for me. haiz, haiz, haiz. i still haven't got over it...
i am longer the one who i used to be. u dun disturb and i wun disturb u. dun mess around with me and i will leave u alone. so stop pestering me! dun wanna quarrel with u anymore. just leave me alone!
a lonely me in this lonely night.
this coming monday would be the olevel emaths paper 1 and friday is emaths paper 2. so todya i had my last saturday tuition. had quite a long one. touch up a lot things. she seems to has forgetten quite a few things too. really hope tat she will do well for her olevel maths paper.
these few days are boring and shatt. think my handphone is more shatt than me. haven't let it rest for a few days le. can't let it rest. got to on it 24/7 just for someone. hoping one day she will call me let everything out and she will be on her feet again. recently feel the heat and stress from studies. i really have choosen the wrong course. or should i say i chose the wrong life? just wanna run away from everything. run and run away from everything.
just got back home. today school was ok. as per normal. school ends and it was raining. li juan ask me if i wanna go far east plaza. i tot for a while then just go with her lor. hee hee. so we took bus 105 to far east plaza. caught in the drizzle for a short while. almost fell down. hee hee. the floor was wet and i wasn't paying attention. hee hee. i slip but didn't fell. hee hee. i have huge body mass so still quite stable though i slip. hee hee. so went over to far east. i was looking for the shoe shop tat i bought my imf shoes from. hee hee. but somehow didn't manage to find at first. so went to level 1 and shop arouund. li juan wanted to buy a pair of black shoes. so we just shop around looking for black shoes and occassionally formal wear. hee hee. we pass by the shop. hee hee. long time didn't eat le. hee hee. so i bought one. hee hee. the price gone up liao. used to be 3 dollars for one but now is 3.20 for one. hee hee. but the serving was quite big so its ok. but i overspend again. haiz. we walk around level 1 then level 2 then level three. i went back to level 4 and look for the shoe shop again. finally i found it. hee hee. my eyes must have stamped sia. actually pass by the shop more than once liao but somehow didn't see it. hee hee. so went into the shop and look around. was helping li juan to find her black shoes. in the end find one pair for her. wanted to buy the same pair as her but due to my big foot, can't. i bought another pair of shoes. with a bit of heels. looks almost the same as my imf shoes just tat this pair is totally cover up one. hee hee. after that we went home liao. thinking if i wanna write a complimentary letter about the sales girl for my gems assignment. hee hee. but the service provided was only ok leh. hee hee.`
well yesterday went to east coast park. met up with emily and li juan. we just walk and walk. hee hee. li juan kanna sun burnt while me only my cheeks area. my back giving my problems again. felt stiff at the right part of my lower part. dunno wat happen also. long time dun have such problems liao. yesterday suddenly came back. today giving me problems also. hee hee. well i will learn to get use to it. hee hee. its not too painful but it feels stiff tats all. hee hee.
hee hee. finally i know what are the two buildings le. hee hee. someone promises to help me find the building if not will walk to the building with me. but as per normal, the promise is broken and would never be fulfiled. doubt he ever remember wat promises he has made to me. hee hee. but nvm.
yesterday was a saturday. and as pernormal. its my day out again. hee hee. well tuition was been postponed last mintue. but tat leaves me more time to sleep. hee hee. slept till 1 plus before i wake up for my alarm was ringing. hee hee. pathetic right. still need alarm to wake me up at 1 pm. hee hee. wake up shower and eat. get prepare for the outing in the day later.
hmmm... if i were to really disappear from this world one day would anyone of my friends out there realise it? i doubt so. maybe he will. called me on that day and realise the line was no longer in use. other than him would anyone realise my pressence is gone or not? hmmm i dun think so. even if i am disappear from this world no one in this world would realise it. maybe they will realise it. but that would be days later. when they need me but can't seems to find me. when ppl start to ask where i am then they realise i am gone for good. basically me been present in this world or not makes no difference at all. and no one would really care. would they? would they really be bother whether i am still living on this earth or not? doubt so.
to further add on to yesterday thingy. the day before entry is just feelings. we all have the rights to feel wat we wanna feel. basically tats how i feel during tat time. it may not be the truth. but tats how i feel thru incidents and things tat has happen. ppl who really knows me knows who i am and wat i am.
i know the post yesterday is gonna cause a lotof displeasures. and a lot would feel offended. however not much ppl read my blog anyway. hee hee. i think no one reads it anymore le. well watever i type yesterday was just pure grumbles. those who knows me should know tat i am forever grumbling and dun mean anything. i dun really take it to heart. just that i like to grumble tats all. shall update again later if i have access to the com.
in a while time i got to go and get myself prepare for the imf appreciation dinner. i am in a very messy state now. my heart is in a mess. and my mind is also in a mess. i dunno wat the hell i am thinking. and why the hell i am thinking of all these things. i am just not been me. but who is the real me? have i ever been the real me? do i know who am i? why am i still holding on to it? i tot i am suppose to have let go? i tot i had let go. i tot i know the meaning of friends. i tot i know who really are and who really are not? so wat am i holding on to? i dunno.
yesterday went to teach tuition again. hee hee. one more month left for me only. hee hee. soon her olevels would be over and i will have to search for a new job again. hee hee. her paper on is on the 3rd of nov i think. can't really remember. only noe the 1st of nov which is a wed i got to go her house and give tution. her paper 2 which is also the last paper for maths is on the 10 of nov. maybe going on the thursday to give her tuition. see how first lor. cos thursday timing a bit weird leh. after tat i would be out of job. hee hee.
hee hee. quite some time since i last update. but who cares. hee hee. not much ppl reading my blog anyway. hee hee. these few days are ok. as per normal. last night sleep quite early. finally manage to sleep early. hee hee. guess i was too tire tats y. hee hee. this morning just realise my table was back to a mess like before. gonna tidy up later. but a bit run out of files for me to use liao. hee hee. got to think of some way to organise them. if not try to search for more files or share the files liao. hee hee.
i am now at my cousin's house updatingmy blog. hee hee. today itisnotso hazy. the sky is clear. but sadly my mind and tots are not. they are very hazy. thePSI i think has reach 400 liao. almost as hazy as the malaysia. hee hee. needed some time to get things clear. today wake up bright and early to come over to cousin's place. finally found my carpenter's album. hee hee. now in the process of uploading songs to her com and then tomy mp3. hee hee.
i just got home not long ago. my feet are aching from all the walks. hee hee. but i kinda miss the feeling. ha ha. i know i am a sadist. hee hee. it just got back some mermories with this aching. hee hee. well today wake up then went for tuition. after tat went to harbour front to meet a friend. once again tat friend is late again. haiz. as per normal. hee hee. walk to vivocity and look see. hee hee. not much shops are open yet. the place very charlie and the chocolate factory. ha ha. didn't really see things tat i wanna buy but my friend saw lots of things to buy. lol. tat place wat a sadist place. no fast food. saw long john but it is boarded up and say coming soon. hee hee. finish walking the place quite fast. so walk to h abour front for dinner. but there's a long queue at the mac. shatt. has been days since i have a proper dinner. so train down to ps. everywhere we go there are long queues. but me very hungry. we went to burger king and bought burgers. hee hee. me been someone who is raggard and someone who dun care about image just eat the burger as i walk. hee hee. walk from ps to wheel lock place. hee hee. but i dun need so long to finiah my burger. hee hee. before reach meridien i am done with my food le. hee hee. later sit outside the OG there and chatted. suggested going to wheel lock to lool at the "wacko" shop. hee hee. once reached there then i know it is actually the crumpler shop. hee hee. look walk around the place. most shop closing liao. so time to go home. tot got soccer match. hee hee. walk to the orchard mrt station due to dunno wat reason my friend didn't went in and continue to walk down to somerset mrt station. hee hee. once we reach the station we go separate ways le. hee hee. i dun feel like going home yet for i know i would be home alone. so i listen to my mp3 while i walk down. just walk and walk aimlessly. without any destination in place. hee hee. just walk and walk. i think i must be crazy. ha ha. i actually like to walk aimlessly in this kind of haze. ha ha. then later catch my bus home. now feeling very giddy. not sure if it's because of the haze or not. hee hee. my weekends are getting more and more interesting. hee hee. but my poor friend is been torture by me. hee hee. tat shall be the punishment for coming late everytime. hee hee.
there is basically nothing much happeing. as per normal lor. yesterday lesson starts at 8. reach at 8 but the classroom is so pathetic. only got li juan and shirlene and the tutor sitting inside. so dotzz. then around 815 did the rest of the ppl starts to come in. blaw tutorial is fun. i like the interaction. not bad. decided liao. blaw shall replace fa. hee hee. then went down to popular to buy textbooks and ringfile. dotzz. text books sold out. and the ringfile too ex. 3.90 still have sp logo and quality not so good. should have bought the 3.50 ringfile tat i saw at mph and times bookshop at citylink and ms. nvm. going to buy it on either sunday or saturday. on my way to the bus stop saw jane. couldn't really recognise her. hee hee. old liao. hee hee. she also quit magic club liao. hee hee. after tat took bus home and have my first meal of the day. hee hee. charge my mp3 and surf the net for a while. after tat went to have a nap cos too tire liao. hee hee. wake up at 8.30 plus. realise i haven't have my dinner. mum also forget about it. hee hee. so just eat a bit of those dishes cos need to save them for others. hee hee. today wake up feeling very hungry. hee hee. at night called denise and ask her about the vivocity thing. hee hee. ya i am going for it bah. hee hee. after tat call n. her batt low and say call me back later. i am so damn bored. so listen to my mp3 while wait for her phone call. waited till i fall asleep. tot she wouldn't call me. and i wouldn't be surprise if she didn't call me. i am used to broken promises or should i say used to friends not mean wat they say? but well in the end she did call me. hee hee. so chat with her. purposely disturb her. told her if she's going then i am not going. hee hee. she very poor thing sia. i feel tire for her. haiz. lets just hope tat sat would come earlier and everything would be fine again.
well these few days seems normal to me. nothing special. hee hee.
sunday went to city hall and pick up my yanzi album. the album is quite big. comes with 4 cd and 1 bonus dvd. after tat came home. so basically spent most of my time at home. glad tat i bought a mp3. really keep me company. hee hee. still in the midst of analysing it. hee hee. gonna bother big bro for help soon. ha ha. the mp3 quite nice but seems to be very lag leh. hee hee. so far now i got 200 plus songs inside. hee hee. gonna pass it to one of friends and transfer the songs in. hee hee.
hee hee. today really really blur sia. ha ha. morning before i left to teach tuition it was raining. hee hee. so been someone stubborn i refuse to bring umberalla. hee hee. anyway shelter all the way through ma. tats wat i tot. got out of the house. bus 16 came first. so took it. went to parkway and transfer bus. the rain was very heavy. standing under the bus stop still kanna splash by rain. shatt. took bus 966. dunno wat got into my stupid brain. i forget to get off the bus. i forget tat i need to transfer bus again. hee hee. the bus took a turn and went up the expressway. hee hee. tats when i realise oh shit. i took the wrong bus. ha ha. call up my student and explain the situation to her hee hee. so paiseh. ha ha. got off at the next stop which is very far off. hee hee. took a very long time before i got her house. hee hee. really blur sia. hee hee.
today lesson starts at 9. didn't really feel like waking up today though. cos quite tire. but in the end as per normal i reach the school quite early. i reach at around 845am. hee hee. the teacher quite late though. hee hee. after lecture ends went for the lame tutorial. the tutor was the lame guy. the duster thrower. hee hee. the duster in the classroom watch with his dressing somemore. ha ha. the lesson ended quite early so we suggested to push the fmkt tutorial to 11am instead. the tutorial was very short. after that went down to foodcourt 4. slack down there. the place change quite a bit. i didn't eat though. dun feel like eating. somemore i wanna save up my money. and if i eat the timing seems weird too. hee hee. saw des and his class and bouncer eating at food court 4. ah moo join us. chatted at the table. i left at around 12 plus going to 1. the stupid lift break down so i had to climb up the stairs to the 5th floor. met moses and an xin on the way. they bought the ff textbook le. they bought it for $32 only. their ff are been taught by the auntie lu. hee hee. chat with them for a short while then walk them to their classroom. today the gems' teacher was late for 15 mins. but the lesson was ok lor. not the dry dry boring type kind of lesson. sianzz. the tutor say need to buy textbook. but i dun intend to buy it though. see how bah. end of gems had to go to the co op shop and collect workbook. after tat i went home le. on the wat to bus stop saw ducky from afar. hee hee. ran up to him and whack his head with the workbook. hee hee. on the way there saw wai kiat walking behind him wearing cya uni. then i realise today is friday and cya duty has commence le. hee hee. saw ganesh standing next to him. hee hee. a bit slow la me. after i say hi the ducky need to go for his lesson liao. so dotzz... so me and ganesh walk to the mrt station lor. had a semi long chat with him. hee hee. in the past would consider a long chat liao. but considering recent the amount of time i spend talking on the phone, my conversation duration with ganesh is relatively short. hee hee. saw desmond at the train station too. hee hee. he was reading a comic i think while waiting for a friend. after that i took bus and came home. house is empty. now it is still empty. except for me. ha ha. home alone again. hee hee. tats all for today bah. nothing much to update le. hee hee.
today school was ok. quite slack. had almost 3 hours of break. so nap and nap. hee hee. feeling tire ma. so keep dozing off. ha ha. but luckily ma2 tutorial was cancelled so slept in the classroom. got part of my energy back. hee hee. our ff lecturer was brrrrr very cold. talk about all the lame jokes. and somehow he will link it to BGR. think when he was young kanna two timed by girls. hee hee. at the end of the lesson he was talking about some lame jokes again. everyone was busy packing didn't really listen to him. but his lame jokes are really lame. haha. forget wat is it le. hee hee. in the end at the end of his lame jokes he give up. ha ha. can sense tat we are all not paying attention. chase us all to go home. hee hee.
today went to school at 8 am. sian. fall asleep on the bus. cos too tire. hee hee. today got a few number if blangas on the bus and they were on surrounding me. ha ha.
yesterday went out to celebrate li juan's birthday. went to fish and co then watch miami vice. found a very interesting shop in ps. the shop name is made with love. very interesting shop. like tat shop. gonna visit it again and figure out the shop. today sucks. first lesson of the day. lecturer looks comical. talks crap. say marriage also requires good customer service. next guy lecturer. the required thingy. talk about bgr to us. so dots. next up business law. even worse. all the death and dunno wat. still got talk about s*x. so dotz.. next ma2. the lecturer wanted us to sit at alternate seats. so dotz.. last lecturer another lamer. haiz. just not my day today.
i finally found the song. hee hee.
how much more wonderful can life be. ha ha. so wonderful!!! ha ha. ha ha ha.
my life is still very wonderful. ha ha. still enjoying my wonderful life. wat a wonderful life. although there is still some stupid rumours with the lame uncle. other than tat i am enjoying my wonderful life.
life has been so wonderful. it couldn't have got any better. ha ha. wat a wonderful life i am leading now. ha ha. so wonderful i dun have much to update though. hee hee.
i am back from china le. ha ha. finally. hee hee. damn tired. damn with cough. and a bit of flu. hee hee. got the flu vaccine but still catch a flu. ha ha. parents trying to force me to see doctor. but today too tire to go see doctor le. early morning wake up to go for the briefing. came back slept till 9. ha ha. fall asleep on the bus. and sort of miss my stop. so dotzz. haha.
flying off soon. so nervous. the tot of it just freak me out. haiz.
YES!!! finally all the exams are over liao!! yipee!!!
ha ha. two papers over liao. now only left with one last one. not much confidence with this paper. pray hard that i am able to pass this paper.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SIONG CHIN!!!!
WAHAHAHA. ECM is over and done with. hee hee. now i am left with FA and Bfi. gonna mug for FA soon. hee hee.
wah! just realised that it is high time that i tidy up my room le. hee hee. long time never really tidy it up le. hee hee. think soon bah. when i have got nothing to do except for studying exam. hee hee. extremely messy sia. i open my wardrode and the clothes will fall out will. hee hee. if not is cannot slide open cos got something stuck at the other door. hee hee. i think really time for me to tidy up my wardrode first. if not can no need open liao. hee hee.
yo yo. today is chunyuan's birthday.
back home. went to watch the fireworks again. the fireworks was splendid. as i watch numerous tots passed through my mind. and i am starting to thinking about wat i was thinking in the morning. ppl ask me to have a talk with **** but i tot that there was no need for it. but then i know i was wrong about it. no talk was done. it got me guessing and guessing. i hate to have things left hanging. so many questions are left hanging in my brain that it is strangling me. but i know no matter how long i wait **** would never appraoch me to talk about it. ---- rather hurt me than hurt himself. ---- knows wat are those questions left hanging and prefer for the questions to left hanging in my mind. i just hate ---- for doing so.
finally all the ica modules are over and done with. hee hee. now left with the three major exams. haiz. gonna aim for a distinction for my fa. the rest pass can liao. if b or c i happy liao. wahahaha. those who knows me from sec school will know wat a big diff. in the past i aim for As for almost all my subjects and full marks for both my maths. and know i have down graded to just pass for all subjects and only an a or distinction for my fa. dun ask me y cos i am still searching for the reason. in the past no matter how much i am not interested with the subjects and how tough the circumstances were i still manage to study a bit and with luck i got As for them. but now. hah! i really lost the interest in studys. only fa interest me for now. the rest. dots. maybe rwps interest me a bit. for at least it is more of practical. as in i need not force myself to mermorize any theory at all. the rest damn crap la. wat ecm, uccd, b&fi. so sucky. must mermorize all the theory. the one that i am most scare is uccd. i failed the first project assginment and got the lowest in class. and this time the test seems quite sucky. i really scare i fail sia. high chance of failing the thing. wanted so much to blame the com blame someone else for causing me to fail the first assignmant. but i noe eventually i can only blame myself. i have only myself to blame for becoming this state. slacking for the whole day. maybe try out fa later. as for ecm it will be last min studying again. wahahaha.
i have a test later at 3. so sianzz!! never study somemore. hee hee. all prepare to die. these few days i got such a strong feeling to die. and i will die soon. in the middle of the imf. or maybe before my bdae. i know it. somewhere in my mind is telling me to enjoy myself while i still can for these few weeks. cos ah ma is coming to fetch for me soon. my health is detoriating. but i dun give a damn to it. just can't wait for the day ah ma comes to fetch me. soon. soon.
kk. so here i am updating my blog. most of the projects are done and submitted le. friday have another formal presentation. sian.
http://www.kupig.com/html/1453/
back from the IMF training. had a lot of fun! ha ha. poor jie long. ha ha. sorry la jie long. i shall sincerely apologise here to jie long, I AM SORRY!!!!
if only all the people on this world are less plotting and more trusting. this would be a beautiful world. if only u get whoever u woos. there be less sufferings. i dun mean myself. i mean as in u see those drama and thing. i mean somethign like owen case. if he got sophie that would be so nice. he life would be better and so does william. william didn't treat sophie as nice as owen does..
ha ha manage to make it for the thurseday entry. ha ha. one entry a day. ha ha. although not much ppl read my blog le. ha ha.
sort of know wat causes all my temper and mood swing for the past few days le. trying to cope with it. getting slightly better. just need some more time. and pls ignore me for all the crap i said the past few days and wat i may say for the next few days. just not been myself. needed some time to calm down and think things. :)
tml got formal presentation dunno wat to wear. so sian.. bro home cannot constantly use com. sian...
got back from duty. duty was fun. but i did went the extra miles for today. go on my knees for pax and crap. fiddle with the powerswitch and all. sone my best le. cannot work means cannot work. looking at the time now i hope my the other pax are in the boarding gate E5 le. hope the gate didn't change last min. couldn't wait with her until 12 just to ensure the gate didn't change. iw ould miss my last bus and i got school tml. so all the best to her. and i doubt the gate will change so yeah. dunno y my eyes cannot open properly. sian. brother home today. more sian for me. ha ha. cannot really use the com without feeling the pressure. and cannot use it with freedom. ha ha. gtg.
well i was doing project until 4 plus. then might as well watch the cup. got my favourite penalty kick somemore. hee hee. make a wrong choice to slp after tat. my mood got worse. only had a nap of two hours. had to go school at 9 to meet the girls for project. know the girls wun be pucntual one so i tot go there at 9:15. bloody idiot. until 9:30 then got ppl come. and the so called leader come at 10. wat the hell. i got damn pissed. sms all of them. if by 9:30 not a single one of them come i am going to wash my hands off the project. i got damn pissed. then later went for ma1 tutorial. cannot miss that lesson anymore liao. so had tat lesson. after that see the crm project still need any help. then i came home le. skipped the rest of the lectures. damn pissed. extrememly pissed tat time. wanted to called somebody and shout. wanted to realise my anger but i didn't. came back home. mum was shock. tot i not feeling well. but i indeed is not feeling well. but not the sick kind. so i went to lay on the bed and rest while she bought lunch for me. then before she went out brother got home. hah. suppose to be mum alone at home one. suddenly the two of us just pop back. then she went down bought lunch for both of us. i finished my lunch and look went to open my freezer. and everday routine. hee hee. saw ICE-CREAM! just wat i need to destress. halfway through eating my ice cream father got home. suddenly whole family at home. so weird. later i went to slp. bro at home also cannot use com for projects. so went to slp. got up at 7 30. my mood got slightly better. not pissed le. hee hee.
life has not been kind to me when it comes to friends. friends who i tot are my friends are indeed not my friends. had duty today. min dzi brings fun and laughter to my duty. marcus wasn't such a bad person afterall. find him ok and quite nice. he is so much better than most of my so called cya friends. i think afterall he just does not really knows how to express himself. maybe i am bit dumb or maybe i have always been running away from reality. but now i think i had to face it. there's no such thing as true friends or true love. i have never really met a true friend before much less a true love(not tat i really care about my love life now.) when things seems too good to be true it is indeed fake. cya are indeed a very messy place. full of hi-bye friends and fair weather friends. everything is messy. but since i have chose to stay i am prepare to be hurt. more over, cya is about serving pax. so far pax has not really hurt me so its ok. in my life i try to give all that i could to friends although i know i will get back disappointments. i lived with it and try not to think about it. for tats life. but seems like i can't anymore. i know such so called friends and situation i am having is not the first time and it definitely wun be the last time. i only have two solutions. one stop treating "friends" too nice. i not sure if i am able to really do tat. secondly is get used to it. i have a bastard and two bitches in my life. one bastard and one bitch from cya. one bitch from my school. but the bitch from my school doesn't affect me much and i doubt she will do anything to me. as for the bastard and bitch in cya... the bitch is only a bitch when it comes to friends. others i think she is fine. as for the bastard i only had one problem with him. the rest is fine.
i dun like to bottle up my feeling. but there are times bo bian. had no choice but to bottle it up.
i am having a serious headache now. very pain. cannot concentrate at all. if not i wun be here liao. can't concentrate. so much things to think and consider. haiz. a lazy bum like me can no longer be lazy. ha ha. will be doing the project uccd later in the night. now got too many distraction. and the uccd information are so difficult to find. the malaysia part are so tought o find. even their officialgovernement website dun have clear info. that shows one thing and prove one thing. i shall not say wat. u guys go think urself. singapore one is so easy to find. the government website has all the laws i want. in fact too many. i think all the singapore laws listed there liao. and in great details somemore. so nice. but a bit too chim in the language used. given my language power need a dictionary and read thru it a few more times to get the meaning. ha ha.
the trust is broke once again. i am not sure to trust him or not when he said he didn't said it. for i can't believe if it was another misunderstanding. there are so many misunderstanding btw us until it is far too ridiculous. not sure who to believe and wat to believe anymore. these few days i feel so betrayed by so many friends that i no long know wat to trust or not.
was trying to rush out the projects. but in the end still didn't manage to finish. run out of ideas of wat to write le. think a night rest would help me to generate more ideas bah. and i am still sick. so sian.. going to slp le. hope i can fall asleep. these few days a bit stress up. so had some difficulty before falling alseep. eat a lot today. but not as much as yesterday. act a foot long from subway. ha ha. broke once again. cos eat too much. ha ha.
today wake up feeling very sick. so skip school. didn't went to see doctor. lazy to see. so got back to my bed and get more rest. had cold sweat. dunno wat happen to my body. feels cold adn neck area feels hot. sweating profusely. somemore got block nose. dunno wat got into my body. so skip school for the day. and stay home to relax. think i push my mental too much. a bit mental break down. nice break today. ha ha.
i am extremely sick now. having a terrible head pain. it is like there is a hammer hammering my head. and i having a running cum block nose. slight cough. cough is not so bad. healing soon. my mind can't think straight now. very block. still left with the b and fi hw. dun feel like doing. cos it is individual work. i only get myself implicated and no others. thus dun feel in the least bit to do. gotta pass it up tml. but damn sick la. and i feel like taking mc. can't no tim eto fall sick. so sian!!
i just watch the tian shi wo ai ni. very touching. i was touched to tears. crying over the show. ha ha. i know i very stupid la. hee hee. but after watching the show i got to realised one thing. i have found back the trust and faith i used to have in love. once again i believe in love, i believe in myself and my future half(whom i have not met). love has always been wat i believe in and always will be. though i have once lost hope in it before. hee hee. but now i have gotten the feeling back again. ha ha. looking forward to my prince charming. ha ha. my future half. ha ha. i believe he is somewhere in the corner of the world and when the time is right we will meet each other. and that is fate. hee hee. i have once got back the trust and feeling le. ha ha.
today i had a long fever. last from afternoon all the way until night. now is ok le. afternoon was quite bad. but been someone sturbborn i refused to go home. and insisted in going in with the plan i had planned out for today. i refuse to be defeated by fever, cough and slight flu. just finish part of my project. the crm thing. another survey thingy. finally i finish tallying and analysising. but i just realised i still got a lot of hw and project to do. firstly the most important fa. somehting that i will do. secondly the b&fi. i had both hw an dproject. thirdly is the rwps one. both hw and project. i wonder how i am going to finish all of them within sunday. tough case. tml i am fully booked le. so no time for work. tml is wedding day. ha ha. so happy. another happy couple are getting married. and that took up my whole day. tsk tsk.
*yawn* finally finish the tally of the survey results. so happy. hee hee. finally there is something in a project that i know how to do le. ha ha. these few weeks feel so bad la. they are always doing the project. and i never know how to do the projects and wat to do about hte projects. though i hate surveys but that is the only part that i know how to do. ha ha. i know i very stupid la. ha ha.
i am sooo hungry now. dunno wat got into me these few days. keep on having the tot of hunger. and constantly wanna eat food. i have enter the best period of eating buffet time. ha ha. but another sad thing is. i am broke le. very broke. now dun even have the money to eat lor. tsk tsk. might as well. this will help me to curb my eating. dunno y i always feel hungry and just wanna eat non stop. think my stomach got worms le. tsk tsk. just now forget to withdraw money. think tml can whole day dun eat liao. ha ha. no tuition no income. so sian. the study trip thing make me broke. but i am getting another job soon. dun care about my studies le. cos no matter wat i cannot catch up le. i am too stressed up. just aimed for a pass can le. no expectation no disappointment. it has always been that way. ha ha. the more u expect the higher the disappointment. and if i aim for a pass only then when i suddenly got good grades i will be very happy. so let things remain as it is. i have learn to have no expectation at all to prevent disappointment. ha ha. stomach grumbling. i am so hungry!!!
i am feeling unwell. think i falling sick soon. dun noe y i had difficulties opening my eyes. think i will slp early tonight. so tire. long week ahead.
i should not be here updating my blog actually. ha ha. but very the sian. dun feel like doing my homework. so here i am slacking around first. ha ha.
so pissed and sian lor. that toopie mum go and off my com. so idiot. haiz. can't she just leave me alone. always disturbing me. and even worse disturb me at the wrong time somemore. idiot lor. everything oso wanna guan me. so sickening. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
ha ha. saw karl's tag. therefore this entry ha ha.
i have re open the blog and with a new skin too. ha ha. this marks the new me with a new heart. my old heart has been stabbed repeated and is shattered into tiny pieces. all thanks to my friends who sew it back with tender loving care. ha ha. thanks so much. esp DENISE. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE THINGS U HAVE DONE. THANKS FOR BEEN THERE. ha ha. my heart may be sew back and is on the road on recovery but it now oso contain hatred. there are seasoning of hatred on my heart. i am trying hard to remove the hatred le. just need some more time. through all these that had happen i know who are my friends in cya and who are not. i have grown up in my judgement after so many incidents.
i have decided to close down this blog. no use for me to continue with it. ha ha. since the first time i started is becos i cannot use com. secondly for me to communicate with cya ppl. but i can now use my com. and i have quit cya. so no point for me to update this blog anymore. ha ha.
my mind is set. i am quiting cya. i have serious attitude problem. therefore i shall not stay on with cya anymore. i am quiting. sorry. sorry. took me so long to come to this decision. but i am quiting. ha ha. i would like to go for the imf thing. but yeah i am quiting cya. and thats that. i am too tired le. too sick and tire.
my mind is trying to protect myself from harm and hurt. but my heart is trying to hurt and harm my mond. wat a weird combi ha ha. but that is me. weird. ha ha.
ha ha/ i am listening to mr brown now. ha ha. so funny.
well today was a tiring day. but very funny. lol. u can see all the staffs rushing all over the place trying to grab stuffs they can buy since today is last day and counter closing soon. lol. so funny. in the end i couldn't really got the stuff i want. all thanks to a black. hmph.
just came back home from work. actually not just la. reach home around 12 am. so around 1 hour ago i reached home le. my two feet and shoulder are sore. so tired. looked at all the blur black and wounds on my legs. i wonder wat i am doing.
able to do things for love ones is not a burden but a blessing.
i dunno y but i think i like to self decieve myself and in the process ruin my whole life. my life is semi ruin and i am bloody tire. very tire. sick in the mind. tire in the mind. injured my hands and legs. injured emotionally. i am wounded internally and externally. very sick and tire. sick of my life and tire of myself. wat the hell am i doing by ruining myself. maybe i have the answer but i do not want to acknowledge it. i am running away. running away from everything. thus i am tire too tire from all the running. i want to die. leave this world of hell. i am living it hell. in the past i tot i know wat can end this living hell from me other than death. but now not anymore. i think only death can solve my problem.
if u love him/her u wun hurt him/her. if u hurt him/her it means there is no love between the two of u, it is just a "hallucination". a wrong feeling that u actually love him/her. so dun ever tell the person u tot u love that u love him/her for it will only hurt him/her more.
i am very tire and exhausted. tml later need to go to work at 8 am somemore. very tire. thinking of taking train there instead of been stubborn. the study is very stressful. project work and elearning crap. i have no time to do at all. i feel so stress. can i die? i really want to die. i really dun want to study. i hate to study. i hate it. i want to die. i want to die.
it has all ended. finally ended. i finally convinced myself. ha ha. saw him today and i come to conclusion le. it has all ended. everything ended. i had been too young and immature. i will not get into a relationship anymore. for i am still too young and immature. i will get into one when i really know the meaning of love and a guy who really loves me and i am able to feel his love for me has come along. i do not want to hurt anyone anymore and i am tire le. ha ha.
time for me to close the chapter and move on le. although there are still a lot of questions in my head and mind swimming around. hoping that one day he would answer all the questions i had. but at least i got the answer to the biggest question mark i had. the one that cause me to be chain or should i say hold me back and cause me hatred? but at least i got that answer. but in my heart there is a big and complicated knot. only he is able to unknot it. but i dun think he will. just like the knot my mother has tied and never untied. causing me to be hurt even years have passed. that knot or wound still hurt when i touch it. i am hoping that this time the knot tie by him wun last so long and he will him me unknot soon. i just need the answers to all my questions to unknot it. without the answer i will be thinking and thinking of all the possible answers i had to my questions and hurting myself more and more.
i woke up today with a different feeling again. the feeling of hate. a feeling that i know i should not have but i can't help to feel that way.
i am back in my personal space alone... back in my house but my home is in the virtual world. wat can i do. my life is not control by me. i am a sinner. sinner now and for my past life. and i have to pay the price for all the sins i did in my lifetime. i am in this cold house all alone once again. with nothing to lean on. i can only lean on my pillow. i am left alone once again. been dumped. it is all predicted. since the day i was born i have been the unwanted. i should not have expected so much. it is amuzing how much tears one can have. it doesn't seems to run up or dry up. it continues to flow. it has been 25 hours and 18 mins since we broke up. i have let go i tot. give me one week and i will be standing back on my feet again. i have learn my lesson. a sinner will never happiness and should not expect anything. things happen is all my fault. i am a jinx. i cause him to have warning letter. i cause him to get stressed up by desmond and his classmates. i caused him to fall sick. i caused him to failed his tests. i caused him to get in trouble with his parents. i am a jinx. and since he intiated the break up there is nothing i can do but to agree to it. hope his life would be better without me jinxing him. i tot he would be happy with the break up. but he say no. it drive me nuts. wat must i do to make him feel happy? i try my best and i am exhausted. but i have no one to blame i causes all these to happen. i am a jinx. i have always been a outcast. i should not have deen feeling over that life has turn better for me and someone actually love me. i am so dumb so stupid so idiot so retarded. he lied to me and broke his promise and toy with me. i had never really trusted and have faith in love until he and me are together. but once again i am proven wrong. he broke the trust i once had for him. now i can't bring myself to believe any guys again.
i should have anticipated all this when the chain broke.
my com is back le. but we are not together le.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
hi hi. my com is still down. ha ha.
my com is still down.
it is going to be two weeks soon. another 6 hours time, i and him are together for two weeks le. sounds like a short time, but it is not.. in the two weeks time i been through a lot and think through a lot. i am not sure if he does too, but i know i hurt him. sorry. but i am someone who thinks a lot.
i finally get to update my blog at long last!! these few days are extremely sian. i have no com and my life is super bored. i have nothing to do at home and is so no life until i feel sleepy and constantly wants to sleep.
today is another sucky day for me. i was awaken by the super loud drilling noise. early in the morning got pissed off le. sian. so i wake up to get perpared to got each tuition. but i sort of overslept. sms my student to postponed the tuition to 1:30pm instead. not enough sleep cause me to be in bad mood. i was so sleepy. couldn't concentrate at all during the tuition session. and that got me further pissed off and stressed up with myself again. feel i am very stupid. such a simple question oso cannot do. and thanks eugene for helping me to solve it. u interested to teach her? cos i am very stress up with teaching tuition le.
i feeling moody again. very moody. so sucky. not feel very well. hope the days will pass faster. bad bad mood. hope later in the day won't be so bad bah. now i am very agitated. for wat i oso dun know. maybe i know but refuse to acknowledge. chim right. thats me. a complicated person. so complicated until i cannot even understand myself. but there is one thing i now though. hee hee. i not going to say it here. hee hee.
i had a bad bad day today. nothing seems to go right. wat a bad day.
today start the day wrongly. end up whole day not so happy. so today my mood is of average. not very happy.
once again my life undergo changes. it happen yesterday. and as pernormal i get stressed up over changes and dun like changes. but this time not really dun like la. just stressed up only. and very not used to it. and it is one of the biggest changes in my life bah. bigger than moving of house. so i think i needed more time to get used to the change bah.
strange strange. i actually can't sleep. lol. as a pig i actually can't sleep? thats weird. but i roughly know wat cause me to lose sleep bah. anyway waking up early is no big deal. at least later i won't be late bah. and now can come online and stuff. but someone i wanna talk to is not online. nvm then talk to that person another time.
got back home from the thingy le. today ended quite late. but not so physical. more of mental. lol. think tonight u will hear me sleep talk numbers. lol. so taxing lor.
i just got back from cya duty. tot this week i wun be doing any duty. but in the end i still went for it hee hee. saw someone i dun wanna see and spoil my mood. but in the end things turn put well le. so ok lor. overall my day is a happy day!! lol.
now in school. so sian.nothing much for me to do oso. so since i got nothing to do i just come here and type crap lor. ha ha. i thinki need to think through things again le. ha ha. i am now a thinker. everyday also have things to think. but then hor my brain very lousy. i everytime think half way then forget wat i am thinking le. hee hee. i have short term memoeries. and always forget wat i want to say. ha ha.
just got home. today went for the thingy. hee. very hot and tired. cos i wear a long sleeve today. both my feet are so tired le. and tml going to do duty. today i encounter both ups and downs.
so sickening. everything seems to be down when i am finally on the road of recovery. dunno wat happen to my com. my brother ask me wat i did to the com. i think it should be the other way round. now i can't even log in to msn. had to stick with either web messenger or e messenger. everything seems so sucky. y must so all these happen when i am finally feeling better and almost back to my old self again? i know i am dumb and silly to get stress up over all these things. but i dun noe my brain is made of tofu or wat. but hor i seriously get stress up very easily. lol. so weird of me. auntie old le cannot take stress. esp when it comes to technology. lol.
i just realise choosing wed is really a bad day. dunno who wanna change with me. i dun want to have duty days on a weekday. and that leaves me with the weekend. and sat is a no no for me. therefore i am left with sunday only. and i dunno who on sunday one is willing to change with me. i am at arrival after all.
a sat today. went to give tuition earlier. i had money again! lol. but this time must budget properly if not later same as this week no more money to eat on starting thursday. dun think i am going for any duty for next week bah. i am thinking of going on friday though. see how first bah. now very sian. dunno why cannot log in msn so have to use web messenger.
i am trying to find back the feeling i once had for cya. the passion i was had. i can still remember clearly the factor that deeply attracted me to cya. the tot of been in the transit and able to interact with pax. the fact that i am able to help pax makes me find back my self. i feel that i am not useless after all. and as times goes by in cya i got to know a great bunch of friends. and that becomes the second factor that makes me attach to cya. however now all is gone and lost. i am not in transit. i have no pax to serve. the number of pax i serve a week can sometimes be none at all. and the friends i know, they are all tire le. and i feel i have sort of drag them down too. now i am very tired. not tired of cya. but someone who is creating havoc and who is messing around with me and the cya. someone who tot he is very well likes by everyone and i am the one who has ruin his so called reputation.
dunno why suddenly so many things happen. must be the fact that this year not a good year for dragon bah. so guys we must rest now and buck up. we can bond together and win! so for now no worries be happy!!!
hi hi, i have finally created a blog. ha ha. welcome to my dolphins land. lol. cos i am not able to go online for around two weeks therefore i have set up this account. if u guys(cya) wanna communicate with me just tag me. so that i can reply or read it even when i am in school.